


Diphallia

by Lord Bixler (Penjamin24seven365)



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Dreamtale (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Errortale (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Inktale (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Underfell (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Underlust (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Underswap (Undertale), Betrayal, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Crackcrunch breakfast, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Dreamtale Sans (Undertale), Drunk Writing, Errortale Sans (Undertale), Headcanon, Hostage Situations, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, I'm Bad At Tagging, Inktale Sans (Undertale), Interrogation, Lust, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Monsters, One Shot, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Penises, Poor Errortale Sans (Undertale), Poor Sans (Undertale), Sex, Sharing, Short, Short One Shot, Silly, Sorry Not Sorry, Tags Are Fun, Tags May Change, Underfell Sans (Undertale), Underlust Sans (Undertale), Underswap Papyrus (Undertale), Underswap Sans (Undertale), Wordcount: 100-500, sharing is caring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:47:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24704797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penjamin24seven365/pseuds/Lord%20Bixler
Summary: Diphallia is a genetic condition present at birth in which a person has two penises.Blue let's the council in on a secret that makes Lust Happy
Relationships: Sans/Sans (Undertale)
Comments: 55
Kudos: 116





	1. 2nd penis

The room was quiet bar from a few whispering as Ink and Dream filled in the rest of the council on how they found out about Blue's treachery.

"No, it's just kinda strange, that none of you have ever bothered asking me anything about Error before now. I am the only monster he has kidnapped AND I was with him for an entire year and 3 months." Blue said over the noise quickly bringing all conversation to a holt.

"and tell me Blue what could you tell me; his arch nemesis, that I don't already know." Ink said approaching the chair Blue was tied to.

"Error is afraid of Underlust,"

"I alrighty know that he's got haphephobia or what-."

"No!" Blue said firmly looking around at everyone, making sure to meet his brothers eyes with a glare, Swap looked away. Blue let out a hollow chuckle before continuing.  
"Actually, he's afraid of Underlust because he has a condition known as diphallia and," Blue paused as it seemed both Medic and Sci simultaneously choked on their drinks. While the others around the table seemingly confused and started murmuring in wonder what it ment. Lust on the other hand offered pats and napkins at the two frazzled Sanses. Blue locked eyes with Lust in understanding. "And he thinks it'll make him a highly sought after mating partner if he stays for too long and goes into heat because of the AUs code effect, that drives every monster into a mating frenzy."

"oh Hold up sweetie, you mean to tell me, that the 'God of destruction' could be out here destroying this pussy if he just gets over his no touching thing." Lust summarized.  
"Ooooooh honey~, This is why kinks exist! Now if y'all will excuse me I've got a God to go find and worship." He purred getting up and making his way to the door.

"Lust stop it, this is serious. We just found out blue has been telling all of our secrets to the bad guys, and they now know all of our plans," Ink responded banging his hand in the table.

This wasn't completely true. What really happened was swap!papyrus had accidentally stumbled onto a scene where Blue and Error were making out. Error had asked if Blue had a council meeting to go, not wanting to start anything he couldn't finish to which Blue had answered 'yes but I can see you after'. Thinking this was a trick to manipulate his brother Swap called Ink telling him Blue was spying for Nightmare and his gang and how he caught him in the act with Error.

"This could be a lie or some kind if set up." An unsure Red piped up.

"HOW? what would I gain by tell you about THAT." Blue countered.

"Uhh, sorry I don't mean to pry, but has Blue had his 1st heat?" Medic Sans asked tentatively. He knows it was a question better asked behind closed doors where they could discuss things in a private, but this was kind of a last minute on the spot emergency meeting, and he doubted he would be able to ask for a few moments alone to ask. And for the life of him he couldn't think of a situation where that particular topic would come up naturally without Blue and Error engaging in the sex.

"What! I don't think so. Why are you asking something like that?" Swap asked eyelights darting between Blue and Medic.

"Let's get back on topic here. We're trying to figure out how and why Blue would betray us!" A blushing Dream tried.

"Actually I have, about a year ago." Blue answered.

"WHAT?!" Swap squeaked at the new information.

"That's all the proof I need~. I mean clearly he's had 1st hand experience, if you catch my drift~." Lust suggested with a chuckle and winked at Blue.  
"I mean think about folks, he was with the man for a year and some, and the moment he came back talking about how Error isn't so bad, we all jumped on the Stockholm syndrome bandwagon." Lust said much to his chagrin, as he was one of the idiots who followed along with everyone instead of asking questions.  
"The poor monster couldn't get a single good word in without us petting his head and telling him: 'we understand' and how 'he has to let go of all the lies he's been told!' or how 'he's confused and we have to do this if we want him to get better.' Clearly we were wrong, and like he said what would he gain from telling the multiverse that Error has two dicks!"

the puzzle clicked, and with the new found understanding of what Diphallia ment several faces blossomed into full blushes while others were jaw dropped shocked that Blue of all people shared such private personal information, let alone knew what it was.

Sci and Medic cleared their throat and quieted the room.

"Diphallia, diphallasparatus or simply double penis is a genetic condition that occurs when a male baby is born with duplication of the penis. There are different types of diphallia, ranging from partial to complete penile duplication." Medic said putting on a professional tone.

"But having two completely developed penises is very rare. Almost unheard of." Sci continued to a very quite room.

"OH MY DUCKin-!"

"I didn't want to know that, I didn't want to know that, I DID NOT ASK TO KNOW THAT!

"Why are we discussing Errors private parts?"

"That's Duckin badash! fresh I swaer to-"

"Is it possible to manipulate my magic into doing that or does it have to be natural?"

"Lust just said it so causally though."

"So he has a penis Error."

"He's about to be really popular!"

"I didn't sign up for these kinds of emergency meetings."

"Exactly HOW is that information helpful to our situation? Are we supposed to embarrass and taunt him by telling him we know his dick wielding power?!"

"If anything it's a losing situation for me!" Blue muttered with an eye roll.

"What do you mean by that?" Ink questioned Blue bringing the room down to a low roar.

"I just told the 'king of undertail' that my boyfriend is working with double the equipment!"

"BOYFRIEND!" Swap shouted as the whole council once more fell into loud discourse.

Lust smirked as he walked up to the chair bound Blue. "If there's two surely you can share~♡."


	2. Tongue Tied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is my Drunken sequel to Diphallia  
> I’m sorry, you can ignore this one if you want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You don't have to read this chapter.
> 
> I do not recommend writing while drunk.  
> I do it all the time, and nothing I put out is good.  
> Learn from me.

"QUITE EVERYONE QUITE!" Ink shouted no appeal.  
Suddenly a loud whistle cut through the noise. everyone looked or glared in Red's case as Fresh removed his fingers from his mouth with a smile.  
"I'm confused." he said before Ink could thank him for silencing the room.  
"About?" Ink asked cautiously.  
"Why is everyone wigging out about ErrorBro having more then one?" Fresh asked looking around cluelessly.  
"Oh~, Are you also rocking a double stud?" Lust teased with suggestive lick across his teeth.

"Double Stud? what, no? But I'm a parasitic full hermaphrodite, so what's the big deal?"

Ink closed his eyes as the noise level raised, sighing to himself as he wondered; not for the 1st time, how the meeting had gone so off the rails. Ink looked around the table watching as the mob!tale brothers, G!sans, story-shift and human!sans got up and left one by one. tuning back in Ink heard people asking what they're preference was only for Fresh to answer vaguely 'don't matter dawg, Fresh is Fresh and I'm fresh to death!' or when others tried to get a definite answer he would look confused and answer 'I'm a parasite?'

Ink shook his head before attempting to bury himself in his scarf to get away from the meeting he called! Or at least he would have if he hadn't seen a past note to himself saying simply "Error has 8 tongues???"

"OKAY-OKAY, ENOUGH! Everybody SHUT UP! Blue, you were caught fraternizing with the enemy, and when pressed for information you decide to tell us Error has two penises; Instead of whatever evil ambush or destructive plans they have. WHY? We all know he's an anomaly himself." Ink pause and glared as he heard Red grumble to Classic about the perfect Error joke set-up being destroyed. "We all know Error has 8 tongues. _EIGHT_!" ink said holding up 8 fingers to emphasize. "8 Tongues! So, knowing he has...um, more then his fair share isn't new or helpful."

"I have 5." Fresh said opening his mouth to wiggle his summoned tongues at a slightly scared and disturbed Red.

"wait, wait" Sci said before everyone could really get started. "If Error has 8, you have 5 and your both, ah, well-endowed. Is it the tongues?"

"Oh, you're right, it can't be just a coincidence, can it?" Medic agreed.

"what-wait, no, NO! Jammie has three tongues and he's normal!"

"Are you sure? I mean, how would you even know that? Wasn't he like a full grown kid when he appeared, you weren't like changing diapers." Outer noted, finally coming out of his stupor at the knowledge that the destructive monster that comes to his AU everyday is packing. Not something you want to think about when the person can quite literally and easily destroy your entire universe.

"I-wel-" ink stuttered before pulling out his cellphone and calling Paperjam.  
"oh hi jammie ... yeah, yeah... I totally miss you, its been awhile... uh huh I'm currently in a meeting but I have few questions, I was hoping you would be able to clear up for me... okay, you have 3 tongues right? thought so, haha I remember that! yeah yeah got it from Error... are you a hermaphrodite? Hello? Jammie, hello?" ink looked at his phone confused. "we got disconnected."

Lust stared laughing, many around the table joined him others facepalmed at inks tactlessness.

"My brother has two tongues." Dream said shyly. Suddenly everyone was starring at him, or more specifically his mouth. "AFTER he ate the apple he gained a second one with his new form." Dream half shouted nervously from all the stares.

Lust fell off his chair laughing.  
most looking confused. Red going as far as making a crazy motion towards Lust. 

Completely useless in his laughter Lust tried taking deep breaths in between laughing then he shouted. "TENTACLES!" 

Dream blushed heavily as he wasn't innocent enough NOT to understand that one.  
He wasn't alone as many around the meeting hall also understand and were glowing in embarrassment or chuckling with Lust. Medic and Sci were smiling and taking notes while trying to get Fresh to agree to a few test and questions after the meeting.

Ink was a bit of both as he couldn't help but think.  
_Guess they weren't twins anymore._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drunk me: Sorry it's not edited.  
> Sober me will get to it eventually.
> 
> Sober me: Nah, I'll just label it as crack and leave it as is. Its not that bad...right?


End file.
